Dream a little dream

True story

2012-01-31T00:58:00.005+08:00

I GOT INTO NGEE ANN BUSINESS STUDIES!!

Thank you Baba, for your blessings from above. I believe you're the reason why something so good is happening to me :) thank you :)

Oh I'm also offered Advertising and Public Relations @ np through jae. But I'll definitely choose Business Studies. It's a better course, in my opinion :) So yups contacted most of my friends (the closer ones) and got to know which schools they're posted to!

Here's the list: Huiyi Jazlyn Kendrick njc, Yinyan Shihui Jiaying Huixing ajc, Sockhui jingyi chihyun Np banking and financial services, Yanling acjc (but appealing! Good luck!), Huien Vjc, Yitling Sp common engineering prog., Stacy Np Early childhood edu, Eve Tp Baking and Culinary Sci, Zhou Yang Tp aviation engineering, Sharvin Tp aviation management.

I'm happy for all of them!! 'Cos most of them got their preferred choice. Yl's gonna appeal so yeah wish her good luck!! She dances really well:) I'm happy for myself too. After all I didn't score well for Os, so getting into Ngee Ann's Business Studies alone is a great achievement and a milestone in my life. It's the start of my tertiary education!!

MUST WORK HARD. CAN'T DISAPPOINT PEOPLE WHO PUT THEIR FAITH IN ME. I thank all my family members for showing their support for me all these time. I swear I felt really disappointed at myself for not meeting expectations. They didn't like, force me to get 6 pts or smth. I AM THE ONE WHO GAVE MYSELF HIGH EXPECTATIONS. But didn't meet them in the end anyway. Truthfully they're really patient and dedicated their attention and time to helping me choose my 12 choices for JAE. When I revealed to them my posting results, they too were genuinely happy for me. Can't help but feel soooo blessed that I have them with me. I felt so sorry to have scored rather badly (acc to myself) for Os. After all I did gave it my best shot and if this is what I got, this IS what I got. Was in a dilemma not long ago to decide my 12 choices, esp the first four! Especially when the courses I prefer in np is like <9? And I'm like a 12?

So I decided to apply through jpsae.

It was the only route out, to me. If I want to pursue a better diploma, that is.

From young I've always challenged myself.

And now, I will always do the same.

Seriously like in primary school I've always aimed to be one of the best in academics and sports. Forever proud of being fat and STILL can jump. Like WOAH can!! 'Cos right I didn't look sporty in the past, NOT ALL ALL. Like 100% geek.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHO'S THAT ABOVE? HAHAHA ok it's me. I look so happyyyyyyy :) eh take photo with my p6 class bestie why not happy right! See the pink necklace so fashionable and the hair wave until veryyyy natural. Not bad not bad. HAHAHA but seriouslyyy! It was good memory. Without jingting, I don't think I'll survive p6. She's very nice to me!! omg miss her suddenly.

Ok this is early sec 4 I think. When I have I think.. clear skin and hair not that messy. AHAHA nearing Os all my curly hair come out and my pimple all come out. So yeah.

EH GOT HUGE DIFF RIGHT!!!!

In 4 years time my looks can change so much. Ok lah maybe within 2 years... Sec 2 I look the same as p6 except with long hair leh. So perhaps 2 years :)

Don't know why the more I look at my face I feel like punching myself HOW HOW HOW!!! Hahaha I got the act nice person face? MAYBE? :O

Don't know leh. During the funeral I revealed about at least half of my life which people don't really know to my aunt. She's like "Why happen such a big thing you never tell baba never tell mummy? " I replied "Cos I don't want them to worry about me"

I mean, they have got so manyyyy things to worry about already. Why make them worry about me? I should be independant. I'm not like other girls. They can cry for all they want and someone will always be there for them. I'm much more different. Most of the times I cry alone. Under the blankets.. In the toilet.... Sometimes when I can't help but feel sorry for myself. I know my parents always support me for my own decisions. They wouldn't allow people to make me cry if they would ever know. But I want to be a good daughter that doesn't makes her parent worry. But all these hiding of feelings started only in sec 1 when I truly saw how cruel people can be. I was so naive, I actually believed that people won't be that nasty.

When I first started off in p6, I was so stressed up I cried in class. Teacher called Baba and recommended that I go for counselling. Which I refused to. I slowly blended in with the surroundings anyway. Sec 1 I started out as a person over too friendly. Maybe because of that I got lots of haters, like slowly accumulate. Maybe at some point of time I too have the urge to become popular, well liked etc. Yknow it's already like a stereotype that the pretty and slim people will be popular.. Kind of true.. But for the ugly and fat me, I dream too much hahahaa. Sec 2 also. People like to look down on me, cricticise me.... I cried alot that year. I remembered. Things weren't working out in class.. in cca too. I had mutilation thoughts like cut myself cut here cut there but I chickened out so I didn't. I don't really have a pen knife too. Eh somemore people inside my class actually spread rumours about me? People that don't even know me well enough? That hurt me alot. I was crying every other day, pouring out my feelings to my friends, the best and most supportive friends. It was really painful for me to cope every single day. My studies weren't good. Somemore cca there I accidentally angered somebody and it became something pretty big. I really hoped it didn't happen then maybe the 4 years in cca not so painful. Actually I enjoyed cca quite a bit. I like my team mates. Idk where went wrong, till today I understand abit only but yeah.... Volleyball is a good cca and I have never regretted joining it. And the end of the day, it was that something that had strengthened my heart for the better. I was able to handle more hurt than ever. My motivation to catch up with others work well too. I wasn't really on par with the rest of them but at least I caught up quite a bit. So I was happy, generally.

Also right bad things happen to me alot. Like sometimes I unintentionally made a rude casual remark to let's say A, A will then be angry and then make me feel the guilt. BUT when A makes me sad / angry, A think it's okay and it's fine and all. LIKE WTH!!! IF we ever have TELEPATHY, I'LL LET YOU FEEL HOW I FEEL, FEEL THE PAIN THAT I FEEL, FEEL THE PATHETIC FEELINGS I FELT AND FEEL DAMNRIGHT STUPID COS I FELT THE GUILT TOO. YOU WANNA FEEL THE PAIN?!!!!! Omg so murderous but yeah ....... Just a random thought. Things like this do happen often okay. I have to appease people more often than people appease me. Ok lah but it's all in the past so yeah, let bygones be bygones!!

I wish to forget all the pain that I've experienced and move on with life as a happier person from now on.

Although raking up all my own pasts really make me tear up *sniffs sniffs*

Although I really have gone through alot

I'VE GROWN. from a brat to a girl.

Think positive Jiayi!!!

Shall leave all the pain behind and move on!!

THINK POSITIVE!!! hahahahahhaa

p/s: My formspring is back!! HAHA most of the time no qsns but heh heh :P it's below at the profile there

Extremely anxious

2012-01-30T01:23:00.002+08:00

Hello hello in almost 7 hours time the posting results will be out. I am hoping to breeze past the next few hours by spamming anime HAHAHA. OR sleeping - the best option to pass time ever.

SO, I've been shopping on Gmarket lately. The items I ordered on sat MIGHT arrive tomorrow! I bought 3 apparels so it's >$29 so got free shipping. To my doorstep! Might shop more if I find the quality good. The price is like $10+ per item? :) hahah it's Korean clothes so it's bigger size.

Across the Universe

2012-01-29T01:17:00.008+08:00

hahahaha HIHIHI. Taken with Yining's Galaxy s II. Why my hand so freakishly skinny :o and my face looks sharper than usual! HAHA. It's either the fact that the camera makes people look slimmer OR me exercising these days do work a bit.. heh.

Looks awkward.

Juse lazing around as usual...

The flowers!

@ seletar country club. Taken during work.. Shh!

Kiseki.. Fat after buffet HAHA

Still so happy?? :P

USS

Mummy's self grown world's smallest apple / tomato!

Bibi

Baby

Bibi again!

Have been slacking ALOT lately. Gained 1 kg of weight again :X Must be the ferrero rochers.. I sense a sorethroat coming up!! DANGEROUS ): Shan't eat as much snacks already..... hahaha. Jae and jpsae posting results coming out on 30th jan! TOMORROW LAH :O

2012-01-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hiii I rebonded + dyed my hair like finally!! Plan to cut my hair, cos I have too much split ends.... And re dye my hair again before I go to poly. The colour's so uneven! But quite nice :) It's very dark brown, just a little bit lighter than my damaged hair colour

I miss you

2012-01-22T01:43:00.001+08:00

I really do miss you a lot I guess. I am rarely the person who know themselves the best. But at this point of time, I truly understand the feeling of losing you and that it's the cold hard truth that I won't be able to feel your warmth again. I'm not able to hold up my tears as long as I thought I could. I am not as strong as I thought I would be. If only. All of these hasn't happened. To think that my biggest wish was to grow up and earn enough money to give us all a good life. Dreams destroyed and hopes dashed, I am a little afraid of growing older now. Can I influence and get to people like you did? Can I love others as much as you love us? Can I give as much as you do? I'm afraid of things not going the way that they should. Major consequences brought about by multiple minor actions scare me too. Everything piles up little by little but to fall at the end of the day.

Even the best falls down sometimes. You're the best. But you shouldn't have fell. May you bless us from above. I promise to be a better person.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.3

Nevermind,

2012-01-21T23:27:00.004+08:00

I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you too.

- Someone like you ; Adele.

Haven't been working. So currently my everyday-schedule is: Wake up, grow fat, sleep :/ And the vicious cycle repeats itself again and again. CNY is like, in two days? But I reallyyyyy don't have the festive mood AT ALL? Perhaps it's because CNY is coming early this year. Or it's just me. Well without Baba, life has been rather empty for me. It's like whenever I think of him, I would automatically tear up ): Haiz. It's unevitable lah. Cos right, I always look forward to public hols like cny, xmas, etc. Esp CNY! Cos those are the days he definitely won't work and will get to rest one. But this year he's not here with us... I feel extremely sad, then I'll cry and cry and cry ): Haiz, Jiayi you must be stronger!! Cannot always cry one ): ):

OHYA. So I was shortlisted for jpsae right. I WAS LATE FOR THE INTERVIEW )))): But the people helped me by slotting me in somewhere HAHAHA. THANKS ARH! ^^ The interview went like "Ok lah" cos we're all chattinggggggggggg, doesn't really feels extremely tensed up. The interview are really friendly!!

Okay I haven't ate yet. So yeah. Gna grab a biteeeeeeeeeeeeee or more :P hehe!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR BABA!!!! *holds up mandarin oranges*

2012-01-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

Posting using my phone now! Can't be bothered to use the computer heh. I'm currently preparing for my jpsae interview tomorrow at ngee ann poly! Am glad that I am shortlisted but it's not the end yet. We'll all have to undergo an interview. I'm very scared!! I don't know if I can make it. I wouldn't know what to say when I'm super nervous :o damn scared, how ): I think I'll just do my best. Worst come to worst, I won't be able to get into the course that I prefer more.. My first choice is business studies, 2nd choice is banking and financial services. Now that I thought of it, I should have put my first choice as banking and financial services... It's a better course, is it? :o I don't know.. I think business studies is a bit too common, but banking and financial services is more focused and specialised. Ohno, how.. Am I regretting my choice already? Ohno ):

Not that I don't like sp. But I would say, for now I am more inclined towards np. It's not really just about the courses that make me more inclined towards ngee ann, it's the feeling that the school gives me as a whole. Ngee Ann's campus looks newer to me though :P hahaha. Ok shant rant that much for now. Must try my best for tomorrow! Wish me luck. I'm really nervousss ohno

Screwed

2012-01-04T02:43:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired!! Came back from work 2 hrs ago but still not yet asleep. Reporting for work at 9 in the morning tomorrow again! And on Thurs from 5pm to 1am. Work is a vicious cycle, argh. But I will have earned some money for myself hehehehe. Actually wanted to stop work on 4th Jan and take a long break before I start work in Feb again but hahaha plan failed. Will stop a lil later but would be able to earn almost 100 bucks more! Def worth it ;)

I'm going for both NP and SP's open house! Don't know if I should go for NYP and RP's :P Definitely looking forward to all the fun!! What's more. We're having our class chalet on the 8th and 9th. It's gonna be a blast, we're going WWW too! So excited! But I heard we're getting our results on the 9th. This is scary.. I wouldn't want to think how much I can get ahem ahem. I did tried my best after all, gave it my best shot despite all the silly lil mistakes here and there. I hope I scored well! In the optimistic view: YES MAYBE I DID :> No matter how badly I did, there's always a way out! For the more negative point of view: I WON'T GO ANYWHERE !@#$%%$#@

Hahahhaaahahaha. Aiming for L1r5 of 12 and l1b4 of 8 and below! I've got so many courses that I'm interested in. My mum hopes that I grow up to become a specialist hahaha like without me things can't work. I'm thinking of business related courses / sciences / engineering. I can't do mass comm type!! I don't think I have the power to influence people :/ If I can't already do it in real life, why do it virtually too. Science I think I maybe can! If I study hard and practise hard. Can be like one of my relatives like that, score a scholarship to sponsor myself through Uni and get into a money making industry heheheheh ^^ Though money minded, I also do wish my future career would at least make the world a better place. I'm not going to create another Macs and make a world full of obese kids.. That's veryyyy unhealthy. Engineering arh.... Idk if I should ever consider that hahaha. It's so cool like you can create machines out of your imagination provided that the materials ever exist. Arghhh so many choices I can't make up my mind....

SHALL SLEEP SOON :D I'm really lazy..... I don't think I wanna wash my hair ewwwww. Perhaps morn!

I hope you're happy. If you're happy, we're happy too. I really don't mind how people look at us. But we gotta be strong. We have only each other now. We can't let anything happen between the three of us. I must grow up well and support the family. Mustn't be weak. To advise ownself each time to think logically and put self in others' shoes, be considerate. Happiness doesn't comes cheap, work for it.

Baba

2011-12-27T01:50:00.000+08:00

Hi people of this world, I would like to talk about my father a.k.a. Baba tonight. He died this year on 2nd Dec - officially marked the worst day of my life. I cried the most on that day but continued to cry almost everyday, even today and now as I'm writing this.

He was the Best Father anyone could ever have. He might not be the best father in others' eyes, but in mine, he is. He loved his family the most, worked the hardest to give his family a good life. He left without fufilling what he had started.

I remembered, 6 days exactly before his death I was in my aunt's house before I heard that Baba was hospitalised. I was clearly the last one to know. I rushed to the hospital as soon as I got the news. He is in hospital battling the effect of a cardiac arrest.

The doctors, the nurses, they were all trying to save him. His heart had stopped twice. He managed to barely survive. When I finally got to see him, all kinds of life support medical equipment were connected to him. I cried. I could not control myself after what I have seen. Baba was lying there. Barely alive, his body pumping in a weird motion. His heart had to depend on a machine for its pumping. Doctor says he is in a crictical condition, requires days of observation before they can verdict whether if he is safe.

2nd day at the hospital and we're already practically camping there. With the matresses and all the basic necessities, ready to fight the battle with Baba. Doctor continued to say that he is in a crictical condition. 3rd day, the same. Across the 2 days, we heard that he had a liver infection and its affecting his kidneys. His kidneys were failing and he was to be connected to a temporary dialysis machine.

On the 4th day, I went out with my friends. I was ready to bid farewell with them for the time being, just in case I might need to dedicate my time to take care of Baba. But you know, that chance was gone now. Doctor said he was slightly improving, so they removed the heart pump support, so his heart could pump on its own. Everything seemed optimistic enough. It did. 5th day, the same. However in the night, around 1am on the 6th day, a patient passed away. The deceased's family were crying. That got me scared. I quickly went to baba's ward to see if he's okay, to make sure that he is fine. He was fine. I stayed inside for awhile before I left. That was the last time I saw him.

On the morning on the 6th day, I woke up slightly later. My sis and mummy went in to see baba. They said he looks pretty good, he opened his eyes too. I was relieved that things were going fine. Until I went inside the Intensive Care Unit, curtains were drawn aroud my dad's bed. The doctor told his heart had stopped again.

I rushed out. Told my mum and my sis the doc had to find them. He told us they would try saving him one more time, if this time round, he doesn't survive, he's a goner.

We called everyone to come. We were trying to calm down. Mummy told us to get mentally prepared. Then doctor came out, Baba passed away.

We went into the ward. He was there. His eyes rolled up. It was a terrible sight. His hands turned ice cold. There was no warmth coming from it. The machine showed a flat line. I called out loudly his name but no answer came from him. Ahma was crying. Mummy was crying. Gugu was crying. Mei was crying. I was crying. It was a mess. We touched baba's face for the last time while the coroner took him out. That was the last time.

Soon we went to the funeral parlour. Next, to the void deck across our flat. Next, the coffin and his body came. Baba looks handsome, dressed up in a suit. He looked really handsome. I really wished to tell him that. But he won't hear any of it anyway.

That's the timeline of what happened. Through my father, I learnt the importance of health and to cherish people around me. Thank you Baba for all your love. Thank you for loving us so much.
We love you. I love you.

友

2011-12-26T21:29:00.003+08:00

where do I go now

hi

2011-12-19T23:45:00.002+08:00

Going to USS tomorrow!!!!
Wassup with blogger, something's wrong with it
Nowadays, everything's just wrong!!!!!!!!! Hope one day things would turn out right. Seems like I'm no one's lucky star... Haizzz tomorrow might / will be a better day! (I hope so)

Rainy mornings

2011-12-19T04:11:00.003+08:00

Wanted a sakura / cherry blossoms background for my blog but I couldn't find one which is appropriate :/ so just chose this background which was near to cherry blossoms, only the pink part hahahaha. Settled with a stupid title and a stupid description. Isn't too bad imo but I can bear with it. I don't blog often anyway! Blogging is just one of my past times.

I'm watching Sket Dance now! Not a very popular anime I guess since none of my friends have ever said that they've watched it or anything. These days are pretty boring!! It's either look for job / sleep / eat. Hahaha except the days we actually consider it as an outing day eg: Ice skating day. No movie in particular that I'm looking forward to either.. after Apple of my Eye. I actually slept from 3am to 5pm yesterday. My mother even shouted my name thinking that something must have happened to me.. Hmmm. Probably it's just the nice weather since it has been raining almost every day these days. Went shopping the day before. Bought 2 shirts, 1 shorts and 1 cardigan for 40bux. Worth it lor, 'cause if you've done all the calculations, it only sums up to $10/piece which is cheap. Quality is soso, like cotton. I like the cardigan! It's really comfy, it provides abitttt of warmth too. It's in a creamy brownish colour (vintage) and has red hearts all over! Sadly I can't wear it out now since there's red on it. Perhaps a few months more (100 days rule).

I can't sleep now!!! It's bad considering I'm meeting yy kendrick yl at 11am @ amk. Means I'll have to leave at 10.30am. AND choi choi choi touchwood THE MRT BREAKS DOWN AGAIN, I don't know what to do alr. I'll just surrender. This mrt breaking down thing it's definitely affecting us all!!! No use even if the CEO resigns. The god damn problem's with the system anyway! We'd probably used it for more than a decade. Anything that's old will definitely spoil / breakdown with time ): SMRT wouldn't be able to renew / upgrade their system easily as well since the public transport is somewhat like the veins of Singapore. Hmmm. Messy situation. Hopefully the mrts won't breakdown any sooner!

Thoughts of the moment

2011-12-17T01:45:00.003+08:00

Uh. This is an awkward pic. Taken @ Orchard Taka, with the bling bling christmas tree

Looking at all the christmas decos, I'm a lil hyped up for christmas. A lil troubled about what christmas present I should get for my cousin though.

Anyway I feel really hungry, like suddenly, now.

I'm like really hungry now ): But I'm not craving for any kind of food right now! Perhaps chicken rice..... hehehe:) By the way, I realised I haven't been eating chocolate for the longest time yet I don't crave for chocolates now.

Wait, I shouldn't crave for food at this moment of time right now! It's near 2am right now.. Have been sleeping at such godly hours lately, not to mention I am working tomorrow. Although earning a meagre pay, I shall not complain! After all, it's still money. -big grins- I really hope I find a job soon! Probably a full time one. So I can earn more and support myself for next year. Well at least the transportion fees and perhaps a laptop for school use if I'm considering Poly. Which I am, currently and opposed by many others, aka my relatives. Well I can't say that they don't understand anything at all.. well it's me undergoing through all the hardship of studying after all. Oh well :)

Things I want to do:

1) lose weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) go search for clothes that fit well

3) earn money

Friends on ice

2011-12-15T02:07:00.003+08:00

So anyway, a bunch of us went to ice skating together earlier in the day (like 3+ nearly 4)
We got to skate 2h.
Quite fun. Would be more if I had not been too observant
Hahaha was so scared that I would bang into others so I keep shunning people but forgot how to skate (not focused!) so fell and fell
Most significant fall was the last, fell on the spine, suffered a bit of giddiness
But I'm strong, so I stood up immediately, wipe off the ice, done.
Ate donut, pretty good
Bought noodles but didn't finish.
Appetite keeps getting smaller, good thing?

Emotional struggle

2011-12-15T02:02:00.003+08:00

1) to tell self once again to be grateful, thankful
2) not to take things for granted
3) keep people I cherish close
4) forever unsatisfied with who I am & what I can do

I hope you see us

2011-12-09T22:14:00.001+08:00

Hello I rarely blog now anyway. It's getting really busy recently and I'm still trying to get used to my new life right now.
It's extremely ironic how the title of the previous post is 'Come home' and yet my father will never have a chance to do so gain physically.
According to Taoism (or is it Buddhism, I am kinda confused between these two actually) beliefs, the dead will return to their homes, not physically, but yknow in the form of other things.
So we have switched on the lights in my dad's room. Dont know if he ever will come back home.
But trust me I got this really real & true feeling just now.
It's like he's home. It's like he never left.
The truth is he never left. He would forever be in our hearts.
This whole thing is very unexpected. I don't think baba has even predicted this ending.
We all didn't knew.
But it pains me to see my grandmother crying, my ever so strong aunt too. Even my mum. Who claimed to have no feelings for him. But secretly the feelings she held for him was truely overwhelming.
I quote my grandmother, "Jiayi, you have no father now"
At that very moment I realise I have truely lost my father. Heart attack took his life away.
I wouldn't approve this ending but what could I do?
I am no doctor. Neither am I a nurse. I could only watch on.
No matter how much I prayed for him, he didn't open his eyes.
But on the 5th day, the doctors and nurses actually told us he was doing well. Quite well to be exact. They took away te dialysis machine and the machine that supported his heart pumping.
Maybe that was a bad move to make.
Or for the whole time, I took him for granted.
I had always missed him. But now I miss him more than I ever did.
He was constantly working, nonstop. I didn't like his job. Yet I had no guts to tell him so.
And he's 47. He's too young. Yet the docs said he had the heart alike to a 70 yr old dude.
Life is unfair.
Even in the shows, the good guys always live. But this one good guy had to leave.
If only......
I am still trying to live life without my father.
This house becomes so empty without you baba.
You haven't hear me telling you my results, or show you the grad ball pics.
Or tell you more things about myself.
I want to know more about you. So tell me more when we meet in my dreams?
I shall see you soon :)

Come home

2011-11-28T00:11:00.003+08:00

My dad got hospitalised.

I really don't know what to do now. I can only now pray for his recovery, for everything to quickly go back like it is before. It's a heart attack. He's so young. He's only 47. Please don't take him away from us.

I miss him.

I miss his voice.

I miss everything about him.

Why is he so near yet seem miles away from us..

I hate it when I see him lying on the bed, with all the tubes around, yet I can't do anything at all.

I really wished I was a better daughter.

I don't want to lose my father. He's such a great father. He means so much to me. Too much.

Come home please. Baba come home to our side please. I miss you so much.

I've always missed you so much.

Baba, please be safe. Please know that I'll be by your side, praying for you.

Please be safe. Baba.

Love, Jiayi. Your eldest daughter

Hi

2011-11-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

Hi! Os is officially over and I'm officially doing job hunting currently too. Most of my friends have already found their jobs, super good!! I really wanna get a job soon and earn some cold hard cash.

What I gonna do with the money:
1) buy laptop for school use (if I'm going poly, hopefully poly does subsidy!)
2) clothes and bag (but I already got my Jansport)
3) food

I'm still considering either Ngee Ann or Singapore Poly. Ngee Ann's campus seems pretty great but my only concern would be transportation. It's somewhere in Clementi but I live in Yishun. SP is in Dover, it's quite convenient to get there since the campus is just steps away from the MRT station.

hi

2011-11-13T16:27:00.003+08:00

First time blogging using phone, feels pretty weird actually. Tmr officially marks the end of Os. Dont feel as excited now. Perhaps because I realise I lack freedom. Can go to work but can't go sleepover? Cant give me my bank book when.iys loke my own bank account?? Hai I really don't get adults nowadays. They say that they have given us freedom buy jn fact they haven't. Forever protecting your child does not equates to loving your child. I am not saying that I need total freedom but please at least dont control my life. The minimal respect for my decisions please. I jolly wrll know who to trust and who not to. Yes i lack experience. But why not let me experience life myself.

Never Say Die

2011-11-04T12:40:00.001+08:00

Today though tiring, managed to finish paper without feeling sleepy - GOOD!

Whut

2011-11-01T19:50:00.003+08:00

Ok nevermind shall blog a bit cos I'm quite bored now aka Waiting For Ma Dinner.

Courses I'm interested in (for Poly)

SP: International Business, HRM with psychology, Business Adminstration, Experience and Product designing, Applied Drama and Psychology

NP: International Business, Business, Psychology

Don't know where should I go, it depends on the results I get! Shan't think too much at this point of time, distract myself from studying only - NO GOOD. Papers are so far so good xcept I guess today's Amath paper was definitely screwed and oh didn't read instructions carefully cos I was extremely tired for Chem, byebye 5 marks! Damn all these careless mistakes ): Hmmm.

Ok dinner is ready now, byebye! Have been a long time since I last used comp but I don't miss it heh. Study mode, on!

Hi from far away

2011-11-01T19:48:00.001+08:00

Hihihi haven't blogged for a long time! Guess it's time to leave. It's pretty troublesome to blog anyway. Time consuming + lost interest alr HAHAHA. Most importantly its Os nowwwww.

Someday I'll prove you wrong

2011-09-19T23:02:00.003+08:00

Why can't I be like everybody else - normal

Why am I so fat, I don't think I need a swimming tube, it's jelly-ish too! LOL

Why my report slip no A1!

Why am I such an awkward human

Why do I keep looking for something to do

I kind of hate myself too, it's not something new.

I don't do the self-hate thing every single day but you know. There's just so little that I can appreciate about myself. I'll be happier if I don't compare but I just can't help it. My skin is seriously screwed up. I have huge ears. I have elephant thighs. Shoulders too broad and arms too thick. I walk funny too. I talk funny, I think weirdly.

Sometimes I think I'm not from this world at all.

Just sometimes.

Pumped up

2011-09-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

Totally collapsed on the floor just now, slept for a whole of 4 hrs! WONDERFUL Isnt it. And damn I haven't got a study plan for O's, I like see got what homework then do what homework, so adaptable right. Tomorrow gonna stay back till 8 in school to do revision + work! Diamonds' privilege! Night clinic sessions too.. I haven't done any work today! Gna wake up early to do my Hist sbq + Phy + some math IF POSSIBLE but I doubt so.... everybody's working hard, I gta work hard too!! OOOOSH!

Shine

2011-09-16T22:11:00.002+08:00

I feel disgusting, sticky (haven't bathed yet) and veryyyyy unmotivated to study now. 38 more days to O's! That's really soon... Prelims results arent that great after all.. Not satisfied with amath results ): Gonna brush up quick! School has decided to "force" diamonds whose l1r5 >/= 31 to stay back aft school for the next 3 weeks to study in lib from 6 to 8 in the evening. I suaysuay 31 so yeah gta stay back lor. HAHAHAHA:)

Taking chances

2011-09-14T09:15:00.002+08:00

Woke up and had breakfast - bread with tune spread, veryyy filling. No I'm not skipping school but I don't have exams in the morning so yups I get to wake up late for today which apparently I couldn't do so.. Watched zenkai girl ep 10, I can't say it's disappointing but hasn't it been a looooong time since the romance between Wakaba and Shota progressed forward? They keep making excuses for each other not to be together! Arghhhhhhh.

Oh wait I shouldn't be watching any shows right now, I should be studying.. I have to get to school by 10.30 so I shall go prepare now. Byebye! I'll just have to endure almost 40 days more before the real thing comes. Sec 4 life is centered on O's anyway

Jar of Hearts

2011-09-08T16:57:00.005+08:00

Hello! I'm still not revising but yet I'm panicking like mad cos I haven't done ANY revision at all ): I'm scared and freaked out but what do I do? NOTHING AT ALL and yet I look forward to after O's life very very much! We'll go shopping together for prom clothes (actually Hy and I got ours already, mine's with sleeves so it's all good) and then sleepover at Yy's! Her mum said yes, Hy's parents confirm say yes one. But my mum keeps saying that I might want to steal things at Yy's place. Wth?? I don't do such stuffs okay, please trust me Mummy :))) Hmmm. I will win your trust slowly as time passes by!!! :D

Well as time passes by, we're all gonna leave Anderson one day. Last day in anderson is probably (what I think) 1 week before the first paper of O's. That sucks big time. 4 years in Anderson just passed like that. Of all 4 years, I find this year most enjoyable. We've all been through ups and downs, my friends and I. And I'm glad we're through with all this shit and stayed together till the end. I'm thankful for all the wonderful times my classmates gave me too! Of all the classes I've been through, I loved 3/6 2010 aka 4/6 2011 the best. We all stared out as totally different personalities and only perhaps a few know each other. And now? We may have been seperated into different cliques and but we stay as one class. I really love the people who've gone through daily life with me (in no particular position): Huiyi, Yinyan, Jingyi, Chihyun, Sockhui, Jiaying, Jazlyn, Huixing, Shihui, Chenyue, Huien, Rita, Kendrick, Junjie, Zhouyang, Sharvin, Glenice, Yanling, Keshav, Merilynn. THANKYOU:)

Shall work hard now!!!!! *umph!!!*

Skyscraper

2011-08-30T23:45:00.002+08:00

O's coming soon! Gotta study hard, it's already halfway through Prelims! I don't mind working a bit harder or staying back in school everyday to revise my work. But of all, what is the end that I want to have in the future for all these hard work I put in? A jc or poly? Which course or which school? Maybe it's much to early for me to make a choice but many have already made their choices or gone through DSA and DPAs.

Really bored

2011-08-09T00:29:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE(: But soon after these 3 days of holidays it's Prelims so it's sad. This year's ND celebration kind of disappointing. Not really that well done but at least we got to sing. The dance crew was good. Oh yes Congrats to those who got Colours awards, be it COA Silver or Gold. All the UG people dressed up! Yknow in their uniform, quite good looking. Smart to be exact. It's fortunate that students from Sports cca don't have to wear jersey. Tights on stage? ewwww. No way. Hahaha.

Plans for the next few days. Tomorrow onwards I shall start studying for Prelims already. GAMBATTE! *DETERMINED LOOK* Have to really brush up on my poor subjects such as Physics and Amaths.. Back to school on Thursday comes Differentiation test and Chem test so really have to start revision for prelims. Have ended syllabus for all subjects. Geog ended the latest, think it's about 2 wks ago. Quite late for a subject to actually end in July. Have started revision for all subjects esp Math in school. Very rush, very rush I can say. It takes efforts to keep up and I confess that I wasn't really doing a great job at that.

BUT IMAGINE.

You toil and sweat and study for the next 3 months. It's all hard work. You don't stop. And at the very last examination, you let out a shout of relief. And when you look at your results, what do you see. How do you feel? You reap what you sow. Will your face show a great smile. At the moment you realise It's all worth it, this fight's all worth it.

It's not easy but it's definitely worth it.

We gon' do this thang, we're all in this together.

Go 4/6 we all can do it! We may be a small class of 34 but in our hearts we stay strong as one.

For what do you try

2011-08-02T21:11:00.003+08:00

Went to watch Captain America with friends today, hey not bad yknow. The guy damn hot, no six pacs but still. Chris Evan if I'm not wrong. HAHAHA funniest line: "So you guys...fondue?" Cute the guy doesn't knows what 'fondue' is, he thought Peggy and that airplane guy was in love with each other and fondue's a date or something.

School isn't that bad after I've accustomed myself to this crazy lifestyle. School library is now opening till 8 and teachers are also starting to give clinic lessons to those who need help.. The O level tension has come. Chihyun doesn't eats lunch lately, kind of worried for her. Is she stressed up or is she fine. Everybody studying very hard right now!! Though quite happy to see everyone so worked up now, I still hope we can all maintain our health properly despite our hectic schedule :) hmmm. That means KFC and watching movies! *hinthint* Rise of the planet of the apes. Hehehe looks quite interesting and very cool. I really like this kind of thriller/action movies. But movies are better watched with better companions:)

I r o n y

2011-07-22T23:27:00.002+08:00

I tried to believe my own words but I realise I couldn't do that. I'm sixteen, I should be able to make my own decisions. I'm not lying but I can't tell the truth, sometimes it's just so hard to explain. Well I don't have a reason to say no yet I don't understand why can't I say no either. I know there's something wrong but don't know how to face it. Thought I had the guts but the truth is that's what I'm lacking in. Confusing person, that's what I am.

I wake up to your sunset

2011-07-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

11.15PM
I missed 11:11! Had wanted to make a wish but missed it so darn. Oh but today is kind of fun:) We breezed through 4 hrs of lessons, time went pass super quickly! Didn't realise HAHHA. Stayed back after school to do geog and have fun. Had dinner w/ Hy and Yy.

2011-07-21T21:06:00.002+08:00

Week by week times passes so quickly and in only about 3 months or so, it's O's! COUNTDOWN

Dry the raindrops from your eyes. There'll be sunshine

2011-07-21T21:04:00.001+08:00

Learning to Let Go

I step in front of the mirror
I ask myself who do I see
A girl
with fats bulging on the sides
Thighs like those kind of really huge sausages
Looks yummy if not for the fact that I'm human
Head looks small for a shoulder that broad

I stand on the weighing machine
It's hard to digest a number such big
I think of my future
How bleak
It's not that looks is all that matters
But what do they think?
Maybe if I block out my thoughts
Your words wouldn't cut me as deep?

I question the world
Why wouldn't we appreciate
If there's always two sides to everything
What about me?
Why is it so that you cricticise
But never praise
Why is it so that you insult
But never help

We're the people who you thought as inferior
In our world we're living gods and goddesses
You're the higher ones trampling on our pride,
How true is this?

if we never met at all

2011-07-20T19:35:00.001+08:00

If we were passerbys
If we never knew each other
If we'd never met at all
Would things change

I ask that question to you
But you would never answer

How is it ashame
Why does it seem insane
The idea of us
It's all in the head
So real yet so distant
But so close in the heart

Officially missing you

2011-07-10T21:15:00.001+08:00

Officially missing you
Take one
Hmm mmm
All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop
Ooh baby tell me why'd you have to go?
'Cause this pain I feel it won't go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way and today
I'm officially missing you

Ooo can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it, stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially
All I do is lay around, two ears full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall,face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all, I don't know you at all

Well I wish that you could call me right now
So that I could get through to you some how
But I guess it's safe to say baby, safe to say
That I'm, I'm officially missing you

Ooo can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it, stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way to let go off you
Ooo can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it, stays on my mind
And I, I'm offi ially
It's official
You know that I'm missing you
Oh yea yes, all I hear is raindrops
Ooh yea
And I'm officially missing you

Born this way

2011-07-10T21:06:00.001+08:00

People would say they're the lucky ones

2011-07-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones

I used to know my spot was next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

Next chapter

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me

Oh I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, now

And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me?

And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

The end

I guess I'll never see the light at the end of this tunnel. Sinking in deeper and deeper but it's not so bad after all.

Saw portal, Grad ball's gonna be at Hilton Hotel! It's like super near to Orchard road but it's very ex like $85 per person.. Don't know if my dad's gonna let me go if he hears about the price. Another thing is that I'm really not sure if my friends are going! They keep saying that they won't be + planning to go party somewhere else, makes me sad and disappointed only ): I wanted to go grad ball cos it's fun and it's gonna be memorable. My primary school's grad day like hahahha funny. Everybody's gonna dress up and become super pretty / handsome. Full of surprises once you enter the door, who doesn't like that kind of feeling? HAHAH I rmb saying that if I can't find a dress I go in pinafore. Hmmm, most probably not but speaking about grad ball does make me excited. I don't know how to dress up but till then then see how lah not now of course. O's in 3 month +. WHAT TO DO.

Like a virus, homework's killing me

2011-06-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

I have like 10 more math papers before I'm officially done with them hehehhehehe B)
NOT COOL.

The ways of life

2011-06-21T04:17:00.003+08:00

So now I'm watching Dream High. I find the plot really wonderful, like how the different characters slowly blosson from a seed to a beautiful flower, how they were friends then they became enemies and back to becoming friends again, how they hurt each other but still forgive each other in the end. In dramas, in real life, humans are humans after all.

My mother's really awesome. All her life stories that she has told me really moved me. I remembered earlier in the day (okay it was yesterday) she told me that wounds do heal quickly for me, I am lucky enough to already be like that. Some part of me still believe that people don't have to change to suit others. I've never thought of putting up a pretense against anybody else. If you're already you, in whatever way that you change, there would always be some parts of you lingering around you.

Gotta get down on Friday

2011-06-18T01:56:00.002+08:00

At Orchid Bowl during class outing.
From the left: Li Dong, Yanling, Ling Shuang, Glenice and I.

Paws.

So chubbily cute

Isn't Juse sucha beautiful creature

My sis and I...

Had a wonderful time this week with different groups of people! SO YEAH IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY~

Wednesday
Went out with relatives to Wild Wild Wet. We literally went wild wild wet there! Hahaha and when we (jerry tzeyang and I) went on our first ooh lala of the day, we saw these two girls. DAMN BIMBO cos when we reached the bottom, one of them was like "ooh the water's coming in" GOSH JOKE OF THE DAY. Don't make me do that bimbo voice again ahaha. Had subway for lunch, YUMMMY (: Uhm I think that's all? Just that we all ended up super red and sunburnt.

Yesterday
HAD CLASS OUTING!!! Omg damn fun. Hahaha I was the first to reach the station since I was eating breakfast nearby then yaaa came too early and had no one to entertain me and had nth to do! Until a couple of people came :) hmm then we went Safra for bowling. For once, my score was the highest! HAHAHA I beat UK boy (Keshav) and Ken (obviously Kendrick), oh yay!! Then we went cinema to buy our tickets for Mr Popper's Penguins. YAY for Safra card which took $2 off everybody's tix ^^ Hehehe.
Afterwhich we went for our BUFFET at SEOUL GARDEN :) Wahahaha 24(?) people tgt. Very happy cos I can eat with my friends and we all ate alotttt :D YIPPEEEEEE. I like the teriyaki chicken, the black pepper beef, charsiew chicken and the cake and icecream.. Didn't eat icekachang ): Our table (consisiting of Liu Yu, Fatin, Zhou Yang and me) changed the pan for at least 5 times! HAHAHA either we're very health conscious or we're just torturing the people there to make the service charge worthwhile :P The only good reason for changing the pan is when a certain failed chef tried to cook eggs in our pan. Hmmmm wonder who is it? :P HAHAHA. Then after that we went arcade before going to the cinema for our movie!
Mr Popper's penguins is not bad, considering that the penguins are all so cute and Jim carrey is just so funny!! HAHAHA. At end of the movie I had to rush to the toilet, sorry too urgent! And banged into many I think..sorry too fat! HAHAHA. Then we go arcade.. before that we stoned idk where for quite a long time!
Went arcade and tried the Dancing machine. Ohmy it was damn hard.. Duno why the behind button like cannot sense my movement like that or my legs short or smth. Hais heck! AHAAHA. Played street basketball also.. 145 pts, not bad I guess :) my best record hehehe. Too bad I only had the speed but was lacking in accuracy.
Overally it was a fun day! Don't think we would be having fun as a class for a long time from now.. It's gonna be our O's soon. Okay goodnight / morning whichever suits you best. I'm going to do my homework since I can't sleep :)

Sucha long post in sucha long time .. haha.

Sometimes we think alot

2011-06-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

There was one night I was awake, turning and tossing in my bed almost the whole night. I was thinking for all this while that I had been feeling weird inside, " had I changed? ". No wonder I'd felt weird. I wasn't being myself at all. Affected by the pretense of others, I changed in order to suit others. What's that, seriously. I really have to got see thru those lies. So I've been asking myself lots of qsns lately like, Is this really what I want, etc etc. HAIYOS ):

Ok this holiday I admit I've been slacking too much already! 3rd week yet homework not yet half done. Time flies. It really does. Okay so today I went out with my relatives to Wild Wild Wet. Got myself terribly sunburnt. How am I gonna go out with this lobster face, summore tomorrow I have my class outing ): haiz endure!!! HAHAHAHA. Ok gonna go pack up my stuffs :) bb!

like a cat, I laze

2011-06-07T16:55:00.001+08:00

L-A-Z-Y_T-O_D-O_H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K_95@hotmail.com

I want some motivation please, like anything! I can't just stare at the computer screen all the day long, can't I.. Maybe I can! Hmm. Okay fine I gotta go bathe. And then continue what the hell I'm doing right now and I think the bogus email address above describes it all :-)

Byebye and so long maybenotso suckers:)

Succumbing to the weakness

2011-06-05T02:03:00.001+08:00

We are friends aren't we?
Once I never do need a word of confirmation but now why do I feel like as if there's a need for someone to speak out nod his/her head and say yes we're friends? What's up with all these insecurity, what's this all about, I'm all fed up and I can't control my thoughts from going wild. Yes I know all along, we've been there for each other. For so long, ever. It's highly obvious we're friends but why do we sometimes act like strangers that have just met, like we've never once understood each other at all? I know I've been acting all insecure and scared and paranoid lately and I apologise for that. I apologise for my weakness and that I can't stand strong and I lack the ability to block out negative thoughts about myself all the time. Second guessing myself all the time isn't going to help either. It gets so painful everytime I think of it. I once had the courage to make the first step, say hello, talk about something all dumb and stupid, entertain a little, laugh, smile, big smile, dance and do lots of crazy stuffs. But where has this courage gone now? I miss it so, I want to find it back. And now the song's playing and it's saying " What are you waiting for? " Is it all about initiative? To get what you want you gotta make the first move, be the first. And that's when the rule of "first come first serve" comes in. Ironically yes and definitely true.

Secondguessing my own abilities is another one of my weakness.
Why the hell do I keep telling myself I can't do all those stuffs that others can do?
To be slimmer. To have good results. To speak better. To be with the one I love. To have a family when I grow up. To get a good job. To like who I am. To love myself.

Self love? where the hell is that

Did I ever fought for what I thought I could never have?

From now on, I gotta love myself more and give a heck to those who bring me down. HELL YES!!

It's so unfair when you talk like it's okay when it's not

2011-05-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

I just wanna go back and sleep now and wake up at 3 ):

we're awesomez like

2011-05-24T19:53:00.000+08:00

Painting the class banner was fun, esp with my classmates! Hand dirtied but seriously WORTH IT. hahahhahahahahhahaha and very funny lor our class ppl, ok shall keep it a *secret* between ourselves maybe HAHAHAHHA but I'm gna tell huiyi yinyan, gosh excitedddddddd.

Shiok, salonpas on my backache

2011-05-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

Walao the tattoo so cool. Maybe when I'm older I'll want a tattoo, like a meaningful quote on my shoulder or something. HAHAHA but don't think I'll be serious about it. Tattoo isn't that junky, it can be pretty classy too. heh.

So as the post title suggests, I just put salonpas on my back and my arm. SHIOK like a G6 I tell you. Oh just tried Redbull, it makes me feel super energetic although I feel quite tired hahahhha. I didn't sleep last night! I felt so horrible during SSHE my god..But the video about Mrs Mao was interesting though.

Have been researching on various JCs and Polys! Actually I researched on ONE poly only and that's Ngee Ann. The school itself looks pretty cool and it has got freeeeee shuttlebus services from Amk and woodlands! That means it's pretty accessible from the north although I really don't know where it is. It has volleyball and tennis and canoeing and more. Tennis sounds cool, you know like take the bat and *WHAMP* hahahha B) Oh it's in Clementi..sounds far.. I'm interested in the business modules NP has got to offer esp INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS. Sounds potentially good and of course it can give a wide range of career prospects. AHHHH TEMPTED TEMPTED TEMPTED. For JCs, I don't know where would be good. NYJC sounds not bad.. I'm more towards poly now..since I think I'm really not cut out for studying everydayyyyyyyyyyy but JC LIFE I ALSO WANT. If I shiok I wear pinafore to poly and flipflops to JC hahahhaha. Of course cannot right. ARGH. Poly facilities + jc fun, where?

YESSSS I've done what I wanted to do today. Resisted the temptation of __________! GOOOOOOD JOB GAL WAY TO GO.

When is it

2011-05-23T16:27:00.002+08:00

Time to forget

I must be dreaming

2011-05-23T04:15:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, this blog still have readers though I'm not really keeping it alive.. Hahaha. It's like almost 4am now but I can't sleep! Hahaha cos I sleep just now and I drank coffee this morn so yeah can't sleep! Don't feel like doing anything at all either hahahhaa. SOUNDS SO LAZYYYY. Listening to The Maine on youtube now, pretty good this band! I very lazy go watch anime also. Okay I've changed my mind cos my Ao no Exorcist ep 6 is out! I'm just lazy to go watch One piece and Fairy Tail. Beelzebub ep 18 I also haven't watch. And another very bimbo anime my sis asked me to watch.. HAHAHAHA and d-gray man. Ao no Exorcist or Blue Exorcist very nice. The plot is not bad and the characters very cute hahahha esp the main lead HAHAHA so cute :) Maybe going to school early today since I'm not tired at all ley how how how. Maybe after school I would want to finish my math hwk and come home and sleep or smth. Library's open for June hols so yeah maybe go school study when I feel like it. 1st wk and 4th wk extra lessons! Anyway wahaha my hair so smooth cos I go treatment when my sister go for rebonding. Ahem. Hahaha vain sisters. blehhhh Okay I go watch my anime now :D yay

I don't want you to be unhappy so if only my leaving could make you happy, I would go.

Victims of our own emotions

2011-05-21T15:49:00.000+08:00

Ahh..so tired! MYEs have officially finished and for the past few days, I AM not proud to say that I was slacking ): now it takes more time for my brain to function properly again. Uhm honestly my results quite bad lor, failed 2 subjects this time round.. clearly not an improvement, no doubt my L1R5's gonna go up for sure and again I'm going to get reprimanded for something I haven't done -- that is, to get good results. Let's just hope my Languages wouldn't be that bad. It was really a great pity to have failed Geography since I've spent a whole lot of time studying on Physical Geography. It made me really sad to have failed something which I've put in a lot of effort. Yesterday was the Tug of War preliminary rounds. Our class lost. But yeah. Hmmm. My back aches now ):

These days I haven't been feeling quite well. Have been thinking of things that I shouldn't have in the first place and about things that will never ever happen. But it doesn't hurts to think about them right? Haizzzz..

Keep holding on

2011-05-08T00:45:00.000+08:00

So adorable!!!!!!!!!!

So these days General Elections has been the hottest issue so it seems. However for us students, it would be the MYEs. Okay so 2 papers down and a whole lot to go. Gotta hold on! It'd be lame for me to put a countdown list at the sidebar and I'm lazy. Okay maybe I should. Some motivation for me yay!

I realise as I grow older, I begin to have my own thoughts about certain issues. At the same time, I begin to doubt myself more. I doubt my own abilities, like always. Always thinking about what abilities do others possess and what about me? Quoting Ris Low, "It's all about ME!" Okay, just kidding hahaha. But true enough, especially these days, I keep having some kind of feeling that I probably haven't done quite enough for all the things I've been persisting on. Like, my results and my body size. Two of the things that I've been very sensitive too, especially size. I've always wondered Is being fat a crime? It doesn't, does it? Being fat doesn't equates you to someone who has probably done bad things, does it? If it doesn't, why do I have people telling me Because you're fat, you probably cant do THIS cant do THAT and all sorts of stuffs? Its unfair, really. So what. But sometimes you insensitive people gotta take into consideration of our feelings. What does it feels like to be big, do you even understand. Every huge girl wants to be small too. Ask around, you'd get the same answers I bet. I don't like to get hurt either :/ And really, results DO matter. Lets say Girl A would rather talk to Girl B who has a better results than Girl C who has poor results and is big and is ugly over school stuffs, well right? I'd most probably be wrong to feel this way but I'm scared of being treated this way. Not that no one understands, but when they do, do they really really understand how you feel? Like exactly how? That is why, its one of reasons why I gotta study hard and go lose weight. Like seriously. But the biggest reasons are, Good results bring you to places and Of course its healthier to not be big, right? Although I dont have high blood pressure (I'm in the normal range! Surprisngly.) I'd still want to be a healthy person. Grrrrr these days I haven't been jogging! Ohno ):

These days I've been studying! Yesterday due to overdose of tea which contains caffeine @ Macs, I wasn't able to sleep at night thus I spent the night watching a cheesy Taiwan tv serial, Love buffet. And this morning, to fufil a promise I made, I had to follow my mum to the market at 6.50am in the morning. Hmmm. And due to our family's "I'm not gonna help you hold your bag policy", I had a fair share of things to take. I literally collapsed on my bed when I returned home. Slept from 8am to 2.45pm. Oohlalala. But I'm feeling tired already now...

PS: PAP won Nee Soon, however they lost Aljunied & Hougang. I heard.

The only one I hear around me

2011-05-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

Whooots ^.^v I got my card (: Was veryvery excited today at the bank HAHAHAHA I know like some kid waiting for candy but yessss I got my card. HEHEHEHE yeah ^^ Thats means I can save up my money and when I'm older I can go buy big house big car and maybe go China find husband HAHAHHA, no lah! >< Of course I wouldnt do that! HAHAH It seems that I am in a pretty good mood today. Is it because I haven't started on my Geography revision yet? Hmmmm must be. My laziness is acting up again, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ): AAAAH. HAHAHA but nvm I'm going to study very hard tmr since I'm studying w/ my cousin. Saturday also! Monday no school so probably gonna find somebody to study with me or else I'm all alone or I can find mei also can. YESSSS I'm a good planner yayyyyy(:

But horh when I'm happy also no one high with me. Then when I'm sad also no one sad with me (this one of course lah, I wouldnt want to make anyone to be sad with me) Whats wrong? HMMMM must be the overdosing of SS these days. But its gonna be Geog next. So what problems will arise next? HAHAHA shall wait and seeeeeee.

PS: McSpicy isnt nice, go eat Zinger

我这个时候还是一样

2011-05-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

眼里的寂寞容易叫人悲伤。

我不是不肯付出，而是害怕付出后的后果，是否好坏谁也不知。
但我肯肯定的是：如果什么是都不做，就一定原地踏步，什么事情也是解决不了的。
有好多好多的事情我都不敢去做。
因为害怕，伤心，难过，
害怕眼泪会再次掉落。
我不再勇敢。
最想要的是能够天不怕地不怕，做个勇敢的女孩。
不再给他人造成麻烦
也最想要变得更加坚强，
至少我不再哭，
至少我有个像铁一样强忍得心。
我也不用去怪谁让我伤心。
海浪再大只要阻挡下来就是心平浪静的日子的到来。

Why

2011-04-27T19:58:00.000+08:00

Mental torture

Hey why we so kuku

2011-04-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

grrrrrrrr Hello me is not happygirl_95 now. I feel like crankygirl_95 now, maybe not even 95 lor tsk tsk tsk. I want go do ace learning now then I go do my other math. I havent bathe also, so cranky and stinky now ): but I still smell quite good lah I bathed quite late just now but I wanna bathe again before I sleep because I went out for a run just now on a full stomach even, its kfc inside. Though I havent finished my emath amath papers, I am still happy cos tmr Jingyi's gna pei me or vice versa and thats good cos I'm not alone!!! YAYYYYYY(: hahahhaha now still online noooo ): Okay byebye! School's gonna be good this week I hope!

Bickerings yet dear in heart

2011-04-18T18:17:00.000+08:00

It has been a wonderful day spent with all my dearest friends (: They're so wonderful! Lessons today were extremely short. Time passes quickly when you're having fun! Looking at them can really make you smile. Tomorrow I'm going to bring my lollipopssssssssss and share with them yeah! ^^ I coped so much food today :/ Some chewy candy and oreos! But that day on Speech day worse hehehhee. But shop n save no Hi-chew! I wanted to buy lorrrrrr ): Cos I think Hi-chew tastes really good ~ Mayeb I should seek another alternative. I'm going out for a jog now! Gotta lose weight and train for napfa next Monday (2.4km run) YEHA RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. But I always feel super breathless after running ): But it feels great after awhile. I like exercising!!! Hehehe okay gonna disturb mei mei (: BYEBYE ^^

Im possible

2011-04-18T00:02:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO SLEEEEEP but I wanna study Integration so I wont be so lost during lesson tomorrow >:
Ultimate sadfaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I wanna be a good student and its so hard to be one! ):

500th post!

2011-04-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

Funny how long this blog has been sustained, I think since P6! So, it's maybe more than 500 since I deleted almost everything a few years back. I like to keep a blog so that someday I can flip back the archives and see how I was last time. But meh heh heh my archives are only left with half of what they should have been. Good thing is, those are all the painful memories, so yeah its all good now actually. I've cleared all my doubts and what I've always wanted to know. Anyway, my dad bought me a Mp4! Good thing: Its kinda cool and new and my Mp3 is on the brink of its death (4 yearsssss already! But its still as good as new muahaha) Okay here comes the bad thing: I dont freaking know how to use it! Its like some hightech toy and its really hard to understand. I'm transferring my songs inside now so I can listen to them tomorrow. OHYEAH, It's PINK! Hahahha my dad knows me so well to the extent of knowing one of my fav colours is pink! HAHAHA. Peopleeee have been veryvery nice to me these days and I like. I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE when people are nice to me ^^ Okay sounds pretty dumb but yeah doesnt everybody feels the same thing when people treat them nicely? I've got people telling me that I've been studying really hard, people who give me things (Thanks Jaslyn for cmb Sci txtbk), who tell me that they finallyyyyyyyyyy trust me abit, blah blah blah etc etc. Like that, life's all good and I'm enjoying it while we're already a few steps nearer to O's! WATCH OUT GCE O's. That O's, gonna become a 100! HEHHEHE <: I want my 7 A1sssssssss. Okay I shall try my best but I doubt that Imma gonna do it or smth. However dreams are not totally impossible!! Like what Linda keeps telling me always, HAVE CONFIDENCE IN WHAT YOU DO! And Rita too, she tells me the same thing also. And Yinyan, thankssss for your appreciation for my hard work :') since you keep saying that I've been studying.. I'll continue studying and make sure I'll do it better! SA1 is coming like really soon. Tuesday we're having Differentiationa and Geography test, I dont wanna fail them! I've been studying them since yesterday, like the whole day. Hope my efforts do pay off! I want my math at least pass + 1 mark and my Geog B or A there. YESSSSSSSSSSS GNA KEEP IT UP. JIAYI STUDY HARD! :D OHHHHYEAH

Constant reminders

2011-04-11T23:05:00.000+08:00

Lyrics of a really awesome and .. old song ! <:
痴心絕對

想用一杯Latte' 把妳灌醉
好讓妳能多愛我一點
暗戀的滋味妳不懂這種感覺
早有人陪的妳永遠不會

看見妳和他在我面前
證明我的愛只是愚昧
妳不懂我的那些憔悴
是妳永遠不曾過的體會

為妳付出那種傷心妳永遠不了解
我又何苦勉強自己愛上妳的一切
妳用狠狠逼退我的防備
靜靜關上門來默數我的淚

明知道讓妳離開他的世界不可能會
我還傻傻等到奇蹟出現的那一天
直到哪一天妳會發現
真正愛妳的人獨自守著傷悲

曾經我以為我自己會後悔
不想愛的太多痴心絕對
為妳落第一滴淚
為妳作任何改變
也喚不回妳對我的堅決

You are not alone.
Very very productive days recently cos I've been doing homework ! There's Geog tomorrow so I'm going to do my homework LATER ON. HAHAHAHA procrastination. But this is normal among teenagers eh , so I'm still okayokay actually hehehe :> STUDYING IS MY TOP PRIORITY NOW but I still wanna have fun so yeahhhhhhh (: Today's lessons actually feel short idk why though. Anyway I haven't started revising yet cos I have yet cleared all my homework , that's why. Okay gotta go do my homework now , goodnight ! <:

Funny how people work

2011-04-09T12:59:00.000+08:00

It's funny how people of different personalities click together in a moment while best friends break up after a tiny argument over a trivial matter. They say the people who matters the most hurt you the deepest. That is because to them you're of those people who, to them, matter the most. We're all learning how to be better people in this world. But how do we know in others' eyes we're actually getter better and not worse? That is the question. Questions questions and questions appear in my head all day long and I really hope one day there would be Life Guru or someone, anyone who can answer all my questions.

Like yesterday I've this really serious headache that I almost wanted to cry. I just suddenly turn angry for no reason and sad for no reason. (not PMS: its not like I have it either, I'm just 16!) I was thinking of alottttt of things at the same time I guess so? Like all the troubles I had for the whole period of time since Feb ++ or March till now or something. In my mind there were many flashbacks of the things that happened. Things that were really stupid (generally good), things that were bad and hurtful incidents.. Then my head felt like as if it was exploding. ):

oh oh oh yeah yeah

2011-04-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

FAIL PHOTOGRAPHY My cousin and I were at Woodlands Regional Library studying until she told me about this book on Photography, which is reallyyyy cool then we took out both our phones and started taking pictures of random items. COOL (: Cut my hair quite a while before but now it's still so short! >< Tsk. AND EVERYBODY CAN GO CHIH YUN HSE EXCEPT ME. I WANT GOOOOOOO ): Aiya but today because of the lunch so couldnt go ): But the lunch at pizza hut was pretty good, food-wise. Too much good food these days already, so I'm getting fat :) Anyway XX wants to study every Mon Wed Fri together. So yeah I really gta study hard hard!! :D

It's just a fantasy for two

2011-04-06T20:15:00.000+08:00

If you just realise what I just realised

I still owe poodle homework, ouch ): Not that I dislike her, but she's really irritating. Eeeeks poodle. Okay maybe her hair. But she looks kinda pretty too HAHAHAHA. I still gotta do my homework right ): and the next one up for oral is me ): GOSH. Okay gta revise math also and other stuffs. Bye!

HELLO

2011-04-04T19:46:00.001+08:00

Okay. Today is a very very fun day. I had to admit even though it's a little awkward to say this yeah.

Study = study + dying! ):

2011-04-03T18:29:00.000+08:00

Hello! These days I've been studying *quite hard* and my body's already in a mess. I get headaches more frequently these days ): and it seems to me these days that time isnt that quite enough. It doesnt even feels like I have 24hrs a day! I feel like I've got 12 hours only and we all know that that isnt enough or even sufficient to do a whole lot of things. Have been starting to owe homework! Not a good sign either. But have been beginning to sleep slightly earlier and I feel more energetic than last time when I'm in school and I pay more attention to lessons even though the new seating arrangement kind of suck. When we were at the previous seating arrangement I kept talking to Huiyi hence I couldnt really pay attention but in the new kind of experinmental seating arrangement, I cant really talk as much. And these days I have been feeling a lot lonelier than before ): Must be the new seating arrangement. I havent quite got used to seating w/o huiyi.

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

2011-03-30T19:16:00.000+08:00

I never knew it would be so much agony to feel like this. I should have never thought like that. It's an undesirable thought. I shouldnt and I mustnt. But now. I'm in deep trouble and I can't help myself up. It's fate's fault that we're brought together, although it's a crime (in a way) I would still want to continue thinking like this. HMMM hahahhah Good morning Higher chinese!

Volleyball

2011-03-28T03:27:00.000+08:00

LAST VOLLEYBALL MATCH IN ANDERSON.

It's like only yesterday when I first joined volleyball in april 2008. Funny how time passes so quickly and yet you don't feel it. 3+ years of volleyball ends today (in anderson) but the passion shall go on and on :)

NO

2011-03-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

My dad wants me to drop to express chinese, what should I do? He says it's a must since I made a grave mistake during the last mtl o lvl exam and obtained a b3 grade. He said it's a huge disgrace on my O level cert and I probably won't make it anywhere with this kind of shitty results. Now I don't know how to go on from here now.. It's either I drop to Express chinese or I don't. It's kinda .. not my choice now since my dad has already stated it's kinda compulsory that I drop, if I want to make it to a jc or a poly. Out of my two languages, Chinese is indeed the better of the two, I can't deny this fact. My english sucks, I can't even speak properly! Not even to write properly or read or anything. Can I do this alone. Now that I look back and analyse what I did. It was the worst mistake I have ever made to obtain a b3 for O's mtl exam. Hmmm drop or not to drop? People who have my number if you see this post, sms me to enlighten me or smth! I currently need loadssssssssss of enlightenment

blessed

2011-03-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

So much things have happened lately. Firstly,
PRAY FOR JAPAN.
It's horrible, everything that has happened to Japan. The earthquake the tsunami the radiation aftereffects the people who died. Japan has shown the world what it's like to be strong and determined. The radiation probably would last for quite a period of time but I hope that the Japanese can stay strong and not let these bring them down. Gambatte Ni-hon!

Secondly, O's this Oct and time is passing so fast and I haven't got time to actually seat down and study.

Thirdly, Nationals. We're in the Quarterfinals now. I had a vision. I had a vision that we would be Toa Pa Yoh Sports Hall. A vision that we were the best Bgirls team in Singapore. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER and nothing gonna break us down. Gonna stand strong like pyramids! Although I'm just a reserve and I probably ain't in no position to talk too much but yeah, supporting the main players is what I can do and so why not. Now it's 1am so tmrw we gotta play another match. It's 'we' not 'them'!
Today although we lost to Fairfield, it was indeed a match well played. This is a fact no one can deny. The girls have tried their best, it was a teribbly tiring game too. But we have two more matches to go! THERE'S STILL HOPE. It isn't too far away, Gambatte!

I LOVE MY MUM'S UMBRELLA it can auto open and auto close so it's cool like a g6 (: I like, but I couldn't control it properly this morning so I probably slit my fingers accidentally or smth, now it looks like it has been cut. Neverless, today's a pretty good day! Except for english lesson. I can't believe anyone who can be more "organised" than her! I hope she knows her stuff right before she teaches us. I respect her, but now to a smaller extent. Not that I hate her, but sometimes she gets on my nerves! What is there to judge about me with just two pieces of homework alone. IT DOESNT SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT ME! GAH.

I ate chicken rice today :D

No you don't mean nothing to me

2011-03-14T14:43:00.000+08:00

Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

Say it right, say it all. You either got it, or you don't. Either you stand or you don't.

Motivational workshop for 3 days, in total 30 hrs. That killed me for almost 2 days and I still feel veryyyy tired. Zzz Gonna go sleep again soon + the weather outside is so good right now! ROCK YEAH MAN \^^/
Went out for tuition ytd, afterwhich we went to the arcade to play street basketball! SHIOK. Hahaha then we chit chat before we went seperate ways. I realise I really like talking alot! No wonder I'm the 'I' personality type of people :/ HAHHAHA.

Okay I gotta go study now! BYEBYE :B

Do you ever feel

2011-03-08T23:46:00.001+08:00

Hello, this is a very recent photo of my sister and I! Hahaha many have commented that we don't look alike. Do we?

TUMBLR TUMBLR TUMBLR, chicken soup for the lonely souls.

E-learning tomorrow, which means us sec fours don't have to go to school. Workshop for black diamonds start on thursday, its crap I swear. If it's really sabbatical, why can't we have the choice of what we should do! Well at least choose something more interesting than .. workshops. Hahahah but we never know! Maybe it's fun, it's just too early to say too.

OPTIMISMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM can eat my shit.

but it does makes everything seems more fun.

beautiful

2011-03-07T23:23:00.001+08:00

I would like it if I can go catch the sunrise / sunset with special company by the beach someday. I wonder how beautiful it would turn out to be. This is one of the random wishes I have hahahhahaha, I have many. Like for eg. I want to be a plastic surgeon or like erm I want to be the ladyboss of a body slimming centre then I will sponsor all the plump girls in the world who might need my services. Okay that's dumb, I don't think that would help either. YEAH Okay I thought of that stupid idea when a certain someone insulted me, not that badly. Actually it was meant to be a joke but I took it otherwise. But it's okay! It's been such a long time since then anyway, what's gone is gone.

FYI, B'girls are in the top 8 of Nationals already! SO HAPPYYYYYY. Next stop would be semifinals and then the finals! I hope we'll make it till the end. An zhong ace! <:

Okay cross country day was awesomez. Ran 3.7m in 30mins 2sec! Was satisfied yeah although my aim was to finish in 30min. Went to watch I AM NUMBER FOUR with Yinyan Glenice Zhou Yang Weikeong Aisyah! Had an awesome movie outing with them! They're really really nice to me! Not that I just realised but yeah. Initially I thought that they wouldn't welcome me because I joined in late. But then, they didn't leave me out for any conversations and yeah we had a great time. So maybe I was thinking too much HAHAH :P well I tend to, sometimes. HEHEHE!

Tmr VS shuqun, must win! (: Uhm and report slips time, goshhhhhhhhhhh ): I think I passed Geog and got a B4, Mr Fadz said good improvement! YAY :D My dad's gonna treat me to Seoul Garden anyway. Ohya, sometimes I feel like deleting this blog away but sometimes it feels good to be typing in this space. Guess i'm gonna leave it this way. Bye! till next time when I've the time.

YIPPEE!

stop thinking, start feeling

2011-02-23T19:19:00.000+08:00

Many things have happened these days. I cant stop thinking about anything and everything. Its just hard to stop. On Monday at the strike of 12, I became 16. It feels rather weird but I dont feel any more mature. Being 16 doesnt change any differences, everything stays the same. I just remembered I forgot to wish for anything on my birthday. Ah, that sucks. Well actually I dont really wish for anything else more either. My life now is pretty much okay. Some things have changed! And that really made me happy. I'm contented with having who I already have, I don't need anyone else right now. Well at least for the mean time. Submitted my letter for Combined Science today. People keep telling me not to give up. In the end, I made up my mind to change. It's a risky choice, but I believe I'm going to make it somehow. Trust and belief and determination. Hold on till the end girl, they say. But what does it takes for me to hold on?

For now I don't ask for anything else. Everything is enough.

O.o

2011-02-14T23:02:00.002+08:00

I don't think anybody reads this space anymore,
I'm feeling crappy nowadays anyway
IT'S JUST ALL CRAP

HAHAHHAHAHAHA

Valentines

2011-02-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

BAD MOOOOOOD ): Was okay till I fell down and destroyed a painting at home. Grrrr I don't want tomorrow to screw up! It's been a chance I wanted so badly. LIKE FINALLY yet I screwed it up.

I received lots of valentines gifts this morning, thanks girls for the lovely presents and cards! I love you all :') Gave everybody pink heart bookmarks, some commented that it's really pretty! SO HAPPIEEEEE. I didn't leave one for myself but I guess I can do one.

Today, worst and best valentines day. My ankle >( and that painting in the hallway >(
GRRRR Cant sleep tonight! Think gonna do mask later on :)

Happy valentines day to all!
Thanks girls, teammates & others. THANKYOU <3

skyline

2011-02-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

JANSPORT IS AWESOME, ONE OF THE BEST BAG BRANDS I'VE EVER SEEN. IT'S DURABLE AND NICE AND HAS MANY MANY DESIGNS. Hehehe I've got two now :) and they're really awesomeeeee.

ANYWAY Monday's Valentines' Day! Not really looking forward to it though :/ Dont ask me why.

Your smile shines so bright, like stars in the nightsky

2011-02-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

On Sunday Baba brought us to the zoo, it's an awesome place I swear. The baboons are cute, so are the elephants! And all the other animals of course. I can't type for long today, I have a huge pile of undone homework. Goal for term 1: A1 student but I bet I gonna fail Physics ley. SEE LA FACEBOOK FAULT seriously but heheheh I am using it now! SERIOUSLY I'm gonna have self-discipline and self-control and try to moderate my computer using time.
CNY was a blast, ate a lot, played a lot and definitely coughed a lot. Watched Shaolin and Homecoming. Tell you what, neverrrrrrrrr watch Homecoming. It's a waste of your time and money. The plot is just sucky anyway. Shaolin is a better deal, somemore it's 131 mins, you tell me shiok or not! So trust me, just watch Shaolin. Andy Lau + Nicholas Tse = AWESOME. However Nicholas Tse doesn't looks good in this movie! He looks very untidy and shabby, like some drunkard.
ANYWAY tomorrow is 8.15am so I can sleep a littleeeeeeeeeeee bit late tonight and DO MY HOMEWORK, YES. I am starting to owe homework noooooooooooooooooooooo.
TESTS TESTS TESTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS History on my birthday, What is this.

Sometimes you're nice, sometimes you're not. So, tell me what should I do with you? Should I just act like I don't know anything at all?
SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES. I FEEL THAT I CAN READ MINDS.
STARTRIGHT WORKSHOP QUIZ SAYS I'M A INTERPERSONAL TYPE OF PERSON. JUST MAYBE!

Lets hope tomorrow would be a better day for all of us!

Insecure

2011-02-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

At this time of the night, I cant help but think:
Is it normal to even feel this way.
Am I doing things wrongly or does going my way even works?
Is it okay, is it alright, is it fine..
What do others think of me?
Can I do that, can I do this.
What if others doubt my actions?
What did I do wrong?
Do I regret my actions?
Why?

All my doubts have left myself alone, doubting myself more than ever
In this world, does anybody knows how I feel inside?
You say you understand how I feel, but do you? And how much?
I say, maybe a little, maybe more, but never all.
Do you ever feel the agony I feel inside?
Do you ever know how it haunts me every night?
Do you ever realise you are just not me and you will never know how it feels like to be me?
What has gathered inside my heart is bitterness accumulated over the years I have lived.
Wound on salt, salt on wound, it's still the same anyway.

This one of those really gloomy nights where I cant fall asleep.
Good weather nice bed but my mind's not ready for sleep.

What I'm thinking right now:
- WHERE IS MY SHOEBAG I lost it somewhere inside my house, I didnt bring it to school on monday. But thats not why I skipped training. I had gastric pain, I went to the doctors (reluctantly though) and thats why I couldnt go. I had wanted to go. I swear. But do you believe me? (or am I lying again)
- IS IT OKAY TO STOP DOUBTING MYSELF I want to believe in myself, I hope you can too
- WILL THEY BELIEVE ME I hope they do.
- IS THERE THE TRUTH yes/no
- WHAT CAN I DO WITH MY $50 buy a new shoe? a waterbottle? save it up? guidebks? hmmm
- I MISS YOU not really, I dont even know how I feel about you right now. Is it nothing at all?
- HOMEWORK Geog math chem anymore?
- MYSELF What?

Imagine

2011-02-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

"You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one"

I always have dreams and I never stop dreaming but sometimes it just ends up as a nightmare. That's what life is. It's all a dream, one day you're just gonna wake up anyway.

Chinese New Year

2011-02-04T17:19:00.000+08:00

CNY is crazy. All the food, angpaos, people and everything else. Mmmm it feels good to hear all the sounds all the laughter and everything. Never wondered if one day everything is going to change but I guess the answer is no. That is why I like festivals. Festivals are chances for us to express our love for our families and time for us to spend with the people we love the most. ALL IN ALL, I RECEIVED QUITE ALOT OF ANGPAOS, THANKYOU! :D anyway I ate ALOTTTTTTTTTT like ALOTTTTTTTTTTTT. FOOOOOOOOOD, chocolate, meattttt :) Oh wonderful life~

I'm bored?

2011-01-23T13:22:00.000+08:00

After attempting for 6 x 10^23 times of tying braids, I've succeeded! (as seen in the picture) Although it isnt very well tied.. well at least I did it! This proves that PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT(:

Anyway I still have a whole pile of homework untouched yet: Statistics 7b, Physics wb vol 1 8a 8b 9a (I cant find the bk!), Geog essays (<--- THE WORST) HAHAHA okay fine I shall go do hmwk now :) BYEBYE!

Currently I am reading

2011-01-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

The Lovely Bones

Anyway here's a website where you can visit if you're lazy to make a trip to the library to find books! ONREAD.COM Got virtual book somemore. I am reading The Lovely Bones on it right now, its pretty comfortable.

Getting used to my new life

2011-01-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

Hello! It has been about two weeks since the start of school and for now, I'm doing pretty well! Have been trying really hard to get used to my new Sec 4 life. I feel so tired all the time and there is always not enough time for me to do everything. It's only the 3rd week now and yet homework is already piling up like mad. I dont use the comp much now, now that I am Sec 4 and I have to learn to be sensible and focus much more of my precious time on my assignments. After about 16 days of hard work, I am proud to say I have not owe any homework! Well I have to keep this up! I want to get good results and go to a school to study my preferred choice :) I'm really not sure about DSA'ing into any of the JCs or Polys but I have to consider this cuz my results aren't that good. That means I wont be able to go places I want to go to. HAIZZZZZZZZZZ ): I dont know but my parents have expressed that it's okay if I wanna go through DSA as long as I am determined to give it a go. There are pros and cons to it. Pros: I MIGHT get into the school I want, join the cca I want. Cons: I wont able to choose other schools even if I want to, Cant go where my friends are, etc! I'll see how it goes then. That sounds like A LOT of thinking and pondering and thinking.. Argh it's a vicious cycle anyway.

Life these days is horrible. Very horrible. Especially mine. Well something bad happened to me. I dont even know if it's my fault! See, I havent done anything wrong that I knew I have done. So what's the point in telling others my mistake instead telling me personally? Does your pride worth much more than mine? If yes, then by how much? We all have mistakes. What's more I'm only human. Just face the truth, you're selfish. You dont want anybody blaming you so you said it's all my fault. Isnt that right? Dont you make mistakes too? There are so many questions in my head at that time. I wondered why you had to do such a horrible thing. I'll never forget that day when I suffered the greatest humiliation in my life (just for today)

Like I said,
LIFE SUCKS

especially mine (sometimes)
For now, I'm a happy girl.

Dreams

2011-01-14T21:27:00.001+08:00

Two words from Yours Truly: SO TIRED. Anyway our classroom now is so nice! It's definitely ready for Chinese New Year :) Everybody helped out (well most. Some just give rather constructive comments and dont do anything at all. But most of us did, so that's a good thing yeah) so there's really this super achieved feeling when I look at the classroom. HAHAHAHA at the back of the classroom it reads: 学YEA!进步. Cool right? ^^ These days seriously very tiring ): haiz always come back from school at 7. SO LATE hence so tired. YAAAAA that's why.

Uhm I went for AJC's open house with Rita on Wednesday! AJC has such a nice and homely environment I swear, I like it very much over there HOWEVER I havent seen the other JCs yet so I don't know. Sec 4 now, soon it'll be october in 9 months time! GOSHHHHH I don't even know where I want to go. Might consider DSA but I don't know ): AJC's DSA application will start in July I don't even have the confidence to know if I can make it. Believe it or not There are so many things on my mind right now, like plenty of thoughts. I can't get rid of anything in my head, it's just either always full or empty. These days I have been eating in class with Huiyi and Yinyan! We're the "BREAD" family LOL HAHAHA. Eating in class is a good way of saving money I swear! I didn't saved though cuz this week I bought alot of crap, seriously. Next week, MORE CRAP. Forever cannot save money one HAIZ, I MUST TRYYYYYYYY~ HAIZ yeah :D

UHM ya below are picture~ HAHAHA ugly also not my fault! :P

Seoul Garden w/ Sis

Stay strong

2011-01-12T06:51:00.000+08:00

So tired.. I wonder how long I can go on like this. To myself: Hold on!! This is not going to be for an especially long period of time, it's only for 9 months more! Before O levels come. Time is really going very fast now ): So little time to even have sufficient sleep. So tired... Today's just gonna be another exciting school day, I think! Yesterday was really fun~ especially the free time after school where we can freely do anything that we want except that some of us are stuck with zuowen *raises up my hand* and a pathetic one-line conclusion. Ate sumo house (?) yesterday! Awesome and cheap Japanese food, really. Spammed green tea, YAY ^^ Today's wednesday, no cca! So I might as well rest and sleep at home(: Considering to visit AJC for their open house with Kamkam! AWESOME~~~

First week of school

2011-01-08T18:21:00.001+08:00

The title couldn't be more typical than that. Well we all know it's the first week of school and that means ORIENTATION, NEW TEACHERS (chest hair included), NEW CLASSROOMS but nah not really new classmates. We've this really cool form teacher named Mr Arasumani, he's the author of our history textbooks SO COOL I can put my sunglasses on B-) First school week was alright but there's still just one things that's bugging the most. I didn't want it neither did I desire it. It's my new seating partner. A horrible one. But after a few days of getting used to an unrequited presence on my right, I am proud to say I'M USED TO IT. These all makes me cherish my seating partner on my LEFT more (huiyi ^^). These days I've been sighing and losing my temper and speaking rudely like it's not me at all! Okay maybe the inner devil of me was unleashed but it was because SOMEBODY provoked it! I won't reveal who but I believe, in all of our hearts who all know who's that "special somebody" <!--3 I strongly believe in perseverance and definitely will I pull through all these challenges and stay put in my seat with my desk (which has a underthedesk thingy) as long as I want to. HA! You can't scare me :P BLEH BLEH BLEH! But firstly don't you bully my friends, or I swear helldogs will be chasing after you. MUAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -inner devil unleashed!!!!- and your face will be like this: T^T. PWNED!!!!!! <--- Ok this is kind of rude.

First week of school is very very tiring. I managed to make it through but almost all of the nights I slept late and in the mornings I woke up especially early. Some more wednesday I ran to school. I DID shed some of my Genting fats but not yet the original "already there" fats. )))): Next week taking height and weight!! I hate taking height and weight )): GAH NVM ): BYEBYE Gta study :D

诗与胡说

2011-01-08T17:15:00.002+08:00

越花錢口袋鈔票越多
買一張飛毯飛到波爾多
去看我兩百歲的外婆
和我小時養的花豹波波
她請我喝香檳告訴我
上星期開始世界沒戰禍
而明年我愛上那一個
總留最後一片蛋糕給我
別理我愛胡說就胡說
你就不懂詩是什麼
超聲波曼陀羅
兩個東西放在一起有什麼沒什麼
我怎麼知道
我還沒有試過
管他的好結果壞結果
我只負責清心直說
是詩歌是胡說
一開始的時候聽來大概也差不多
所~以別煩我
帶一把吉他到處唱歌
幾千萬小孩從此不捱餓
網路上的沙發沒人坐
因為我們找到真的快活
別理我愛胡說就胡說
你就不懂詩是什麼
流行歌蔡李佛
電光火石碰出來的是造作是傑作
我怎麼知道
不過隨便說說
管他的好結果壞結果
我只負責想到就說
是詩歌是胡說
偉大夢想最初聽來大概也差不多
你~就讓我說
聽~詩在胡說

hello, 2011

2011-01-02T16:14:00.000+08:00

And let's say goodbye to 2010! 2010 was rather eventful for myself. As some people would have known, I got hurt emotionally sometimes along the way between Sec 1 and Sec 2. That really hurt me and made me hate myself more than anyone could. It's easy to say that it's in the past. I'm not saying that I bear grudges but through these times I realise I wasn't able to forget what happened in the past. I just can't let it rest, everytime I think of what happened I cry, so what's the problem with me now? I cry, I become unhappy and I start to become cranky and all. Such a vicious cycle, I had to stop it. SO, I decided maybe I should set some HARDROCK resolutions for myself. Firstly, I shall write down my firsts of 2010! (that's why it has been eventful)

First times in 2010: (in no particular chronological order)

Rock climbing
Danced the Barbie Girl song during Sec 3 Camp
Failed more than 3 subjects
Own a pink phone (with bling)
Own more than 5 things that are pink (well, Pink is colour of happiness!)
Failed Geography (never failed it in S1S2)
Entered rope skipping competition with friends and we won (Sports Carn.)
Went to another school just to skip rope (mad idiot 'cause 3 other friends and I left w/o taking the souvernirs. Free things are great!!!)
Took part in individual 100m and 4x100m events during Sports Carn (I didn't came in last! Though somebody wished that I was. I'm plump but I. Can. Run. IN YOUR FACE.)
Almostttt wanted to punch a certain IRRITATING TO THE MAX female. Gosh :/
Played in a match as a subset (after 3 years I've waited so long :'D)
Had more things on my heart than any other year
.. and a lot more but I couldn't remember :)

HMM here's my new year resolution:

Study hard and get better results. L1R5 < 10!
Be happyyyyyy all year round.
To become healthier.

Uhm I think that's all HAHAHA i can't think of anything else.
Okay i've gotta go. I'll have to control my habit of going on the net too. So bad.

Brighter than sunshine

2010-12-29T16:09:00.000+08:00

HELLO! Anyone who wants to go gym someday? :) HEHEHEH :D

anyway, the library computers here @ yishun really suck. Well the computers at home are always better, so yeah. Hmm went for Physics mastery test today. It wasnt as EASY as it might sound. It's just as hard as a block of metal. Well you get what I mean.. It's not any much easier than SA2, just shorter -____- Oh there was this really curious question too. About the coast line and the 10storey building. It sounds really stupid but heck, it's an exam question. Hmmm I guess I screwed this up ):

K gotta go :D

Broken strings

2010-12-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Today's 28th december. Well like as we know, 2010 is coming to an end! NEXT YEAR IS DA YEAR. The year of everything seriously. Next year we'll all be 16 year olds, sec 4s. So theoretically we're the oldest in the school, we no longer have seniors next year, only juniors. One major major major exam is going to take place next year too! WE ALL KNOW ITS O LEVELS. Uhm yeah that's all I wanna say. BYE :D

Dear Santa, My Christmas Wishlist

2010-12-25T05:51:00.000+08:00

I want everybody to be both healthy and happy.
I want my results to get better and hopefully get into a good JC.
Life to be better, of course.
A new volleyball.
Find all my lost watches.
Straighter and smoother hair, LOL.
To be thinner and toner.
A new school bag although I already have MANY bags. Maybe that icon bag! That dark blue one :)
TV to be fixed, our bedroom's aircon too. (december is cold so currently it's still okay)
To get good results for O levels.

well, actually that's all :) I don't ask for much. It's not totally materialistic either. :)

Merry Christmas everybody!

2010-12-25T04:52:00.001+08:00

Hello! hmm I just changed my layout, I editted it a little, actually quite alot but it doesnt matters. I don't know how would y'all find the songs but it's not my songlist anyway, it's from the blogskinner. I thought I would just use it anyway since the songs are rather nice. esp Thanks to by BEAST! Heh heh not bad not bad!(:

these are the presents

ANYWAY, It has been a nice christmas this year. I just came back from my relative's. We had a great dinner of awesome food. To top it off, we had a nice christmas tree and gift exchange! I got a box of chocolates! uhm my aunt gave me a pair of earphones too. Originally I got purple but I exchanged with my sis for blue ones since she like purple more and I like blue more. It's so adorable I like it very much! THIS YEAR, ALL SIX OF US WERE THERE. but we no longer play with toys anymore! We spent the time together playing 17cards Poker (I'm a beginner!), watching brainless youtube videos that got us laughing nonstop (Sorry Sorry misheard lyircs) and playing dumb games like QWOP (try searching it in Google, QWOP game)! Ah, one of the best family gatherings of the year. AND MY DAD CAME. Hahaha that's really good because normally he's busy. I really like and enjoy family gatherings. Yes I do.

I think I really like to be happy. How do I phrase it actually.. I like people around me to be happy because when they're happy I am too! I know this sounds really naive but I really do feel like this from the bottom of my heart. anyway, I do believe in love overcoming all obstacles etc etc this kind of stuffs. Serious. Hmmm. But sometimes I stop thinking this way anymore. It's like some people out there are just so hurtful you can't help but think are you in the wrong? But the truth is, nobody knows. Who's wrong who's right how can you tell. They tell you you suck you should just go and die, so does that mean that you really do deserve that kind of treatment? Sometimes it's really not about you even if you want it to be. HMMMM

Alright enough of thinking! GOODNIGHT
大家要快乐哦!!!!

Gone

2010-12-23T07:01:00.000+08:00

Alright! I'm back from m'sia like yesterday and I feel so tired like OMG please. I still feel terrible right now after long hours of rest. I didn't really get sufficient rest either actually. The post below is a result of feeling over-poetic at wee hours. Not my best 'cause I'm hungry and when I'm hungry I can't think of anything. I have to go soon ): so sad ):

Gentle whispers

2010-12-23T06:37:00.002+08:00

暗恋

宁静的夜晚，
我一个人躺在床上。
一整个晚上都睡不着觉。
到底是睡前那被热咖啡
还是无法停止对你的那股思念，
在我脑海里盘旋着
让我睡不着？

思念想念情感像瀑布般汹涌，
冲进我空荡荡的脑海里，
心里充满着幸福的感觉。
这种感觉，我习惯了。
习惯喜欢你，
习惯在晚上想起你，
习惯为你脸红心跳，
习惯口中默念你的名字。
但为何一想起你的脸，就会
让我睡不着？

灯光熄灭了，冷冷的晚风吹入房间。
我躲在棉被内，
记起我们的“曾经”与“过去”，
心里感到暖暖的。
我想，今晚是美好的。
我想梦到你，想在梦遇见你，
把在现实生活中
无法说的话说给你听。
夜空洒满了星星，据说只有几颗会落地
但为何其中一颗就是你？

你

最独特的最特别的
世界上唯一的你
无人可取代

最漂亮的最美丽的
让人看了无法忘记

你就是你
这世上除了你，
到底还有谁比你
更像你？

Gone

2010-12-17T14:57:00.002+08:00

Whoohoo I'll be in Malacca in less than 24 hours, so excited. Then the next day we'll go Genting. Theme park arcade starbucks etc!

Anyway I'll only be back on the 21st.

escape from Singaporeeeee :DDD

Chinese

2010-12-17T13:22:00.001+08:00

“一个人去生活一个人也可以快活” - 夜车

No mouse day, I'm tab-ing away

2010-12-15T14:00:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm pretty much pathetic right now. Just woke up Mum's in bed and I ain't had any breakfast yet, look at time 1:53PM yet I don't feel hungry yet. Banned from the laptop, due to some unexpected happenings, but hello the computer is still usable but the mouse is crap, I can't even get it to work, crap crap crap. I want to go to Yishun Library and I had the green light from Mummy but I'm lazy to move my butt up and get going. Maybe I should type for 4mins more (it's 1:56pm now) and go prepare. I wanna go find the xiaoshuo Yy and I have been looking for, that lucky girl found them at Bishan! I can't borrow books (fines) and I remembered on Sunday I found the book I wanted but it was 8.45pm (libraries close at 9) and I cant borrow it and I was cursing and scolding in my heart, why didnt I just returned all those books! Anyway I've done 4/26 of Geog and I dont feel proud, 9 sheetz of paper up till now. Maybe doing some more today, My dad said before Genting + malacca must do at least 70%, you tell me how. Crap time's up. Okay i've gtg. At least library has got nice spaghetti!

take flight

2010-12-14T12:23:00.001+08:00

I CAN FLY IN MY DREAMS

clouds, i like clouds

2010-12-13T12:30:00.000+08:00

Hello, that's a picture of outside city hall. It's horrible, how people dash across the roads like this. At the left side there you can see a whole bunch of people preparing themselves to run already but don't you know there is a traffic light to your right only approximately 30m away? DANGEROUS. So yes I went to City Hall yesterday with my sister, we wanted to go to Peninsula Shopping Centre to shop for bags but we went the wrong place. Instead we went to Peninsula PLAZA and it was definitely disastrous. Once bitten twice shy, went in once wont go in twice. IT'S THE WORST PLACE I'VE EVER MET, ALIVE. It's stinky and it's full of foreign workers and a lot of weird people smoking and talking and it's veryyyyyy crowded. We mindlessly went to the fourth floor, only to know we went to the wrong building. Didnt know it was so messed up inside, gosh i bet we were fooled by the 2storey bata shop i knew it. Well so we went to Peninsula SHOPPING CENTRE and we saw what we want! ^^ HAPPYYYYYYY. There was a display of soooooooo many bags and it took us like more than half an hr to choose what we wanted. My sis settled with a brown bag, pvc material while I settled on a pastel blue bag, though I'm not sure of what's the material. I think it's gorgeous, me likey very very much :) I wanted red at first but thinking that it's too common, I chose blue. Blue is a really nice colour anyway, especially pastel blue :D I remember when I was young I really liked blue but i don't know what happened I began to like pink then red then yellow, maybe lime green but never dark green. I LOVE MY BAG :D

Anyway Genting + Malacca is this week so I've gotta pack soon. Mastery tests on 27 28 29, when's Chem I don't know, so gotta study hard too. Last week I watched Easy A and She's the Man, they're both pretty good movies. Amanda Bynes is gorgeous! K that's not the point, I'm waiting Rapunzel to come online, maybe soon but not now. I'm a little bored right now. I'm waiting for my sister and we're going to play some sports later on. I've tuition at night too, tomorrow too. HOLIDAYS COMING TO AN END TOO. I havent bought my books my stationery my contacts etc. SO SAD ):

but Genting malacca here I come!

YO YO YO YO YO

2010-12-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

Hey apparently I went to Escape Theme Park yesterday morning and there's only ONE word to explain the trip. T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. Seriously the weather was hot like there were 9 suns up in the sky instead of 1 and, yes the rides, THERE WERE ONLY LIKE A SMALL AMOUNT OF RIDES. Whats more, my sister and I only attempted a total of 4 rides -____- JUST BECAUSE ALL THE OTHER WERE EITHER KIDDY RIDES or wet rides or my sis just isnt gutful enough to enter the haunted house, which was the reason why we came out like straight awayyyyyyy.

(the whole chunk of words abv are were typed on Monday)

Anyway monday I went out to study with YY Jingyi and Chihyun! :D awesome study dare as we all did our homework, gossiped and eat at the same time! Actually we didnt gossip -____- we were just randomly chatting(: I'm so happy to see them because its holidays now and I miss them! :D ahh, holidays please be over pleaseeee! I MISS SCHOOL ): AND I MISS EVERYBODY ):

10 more days to Genting! :D Heh heh heh.

Ah, next year I'm finally a sec 4. I feel old. Like really old. ): why am I getting so old! AND AT SUCH A FAST RATE TOO! I'm scared of Os! Os is in like a less than a year?! Like 10 more months?! ): UGH. I SWEAR ITS REALLY SCARY.

It's never easy

2010-12-05T02:53:00.000+08:00

to live or to die, even to escape reality.

We can all just try